Soda Ruins Lives

Sunday May 27, 2007

Little known fact: soda was invented in China and stolen by Marco Polo for the Italians. His famous book, Travels, talked about the Chinese drinking a “bubbling crude”, but also was full of lies like birds that were large enough to lift elephants. The Italians wanted credit for inventing soda, so they encouraged the rumor that Marco Polo was a heretic homosexual. Just 2 years ago, archaeologists uncovered ancient Chinese teeth, rotten from soda, that have given credibility to Polo’s claim.

What flavor was the first soda? Opium.

Widely grown fact: Japanese scientists invented High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) as a highly potent weight gainer for Sumo Wrestlers.